In all parts of adulthood, conflict is inevitable. But what do you do when that conflict is within your own living space?
In a voluntary survey conducted by The Arbiter, students were asked to open up about their experiences living with others.
“Living with girls is not easy at all,” one student anonymously shared. “I consider myself to be a girl’s girl, but sometimes the passive aggressiveness is too much for me to handle. I lived with two roommates freshman year who always excluded me — but never would do it directly.”
Another student shared that their roommate lacked consideration when borrowing their things. “I didn’t mind sharing, but if she planned to use my pans she needed to clean them and put them back. She didn’t have time to clean them when she was done using them, so it was decided she would no longer use my pans.”
When asked how this experience impacted their education and living environment, the student added, “We have no relationship, we avoid seeing one another if possible. This makes the shared living space feel extremely hostile.”
Kristin Olson, the Assistant Director of Academic Initiatives at Boise State University developed Conflict Support Services four years ago, with the hope to help students in situations like this.
Olson noted that in surveys asking students about their frustrations living on campus, students primarily reported that their biggest frustration came from conflict within housing.
“On that survey, they were sharing that they didn’t have the conflict skills to address those issues,” Olson said.
In collaboration with the Conflict Management program director at the time, Ashley Nichols, the two created what used to be known as the Conflict Management Resource Center. As of 2022, they became Conflict Support Services and began recruiting interns and student employees.
“When you’re reaching out to any sort of service on campus, that can be sort of scary,” Mia Strand, a peer mediator with Conflict Support Services explained. “You kind of feel like you’re reaching into the abyss a little bit, and you don’t know who’s there.”
In efforts to ease this discomfort, Conflict Support Services recently added personal
booking pages onto their website. Each peer mediator has their own bio and a picture to introduce themselves.
“I think it doesn’t need to be scary reaching out for help, we all need help at some point,” Corrine Smeardon adds.
Smeardon has worked with Conflict Support Services for two years, and has recently stepped into the role of peer mediator mentor.
“As I’m sure you are aware, there is always a stigma around asking for help and needing things, even though conflict is normal,” Smeardon said.
While the majority of Conflict Support Services work occurs on campus, they offer services to those living off-campus as well. The only restriction is that the person reaching out for services must be a student of Boise State University.
Conflict Support Services offers not only mediation services for students facing conflict, but one-on-one Conflict Coaching.
“It’s a great option,” Smeardon said. “Maybe you don’t want your roommate to know you’re seeking help.”
Conflict Coaching is not just limited to roommate disputes. Peer mediators can also help those experiencing personal conflict, with friends, family and peers.
“We really want students to know that that’s not the end. We’re here to help them get through those things,” Strand concludes. “It can get to a point where they can feel happy and supported in their living situation.”
