Change is hard. With a new school year beginning, more changes rapidly approach the lives of unsuspecting students, and with that comes an array of difficult feelings. It is normal to wish to reject the transitions and hide away, though it is vital to allow yourself the opportunity to change.
Whether you are a freshman brand new to Boise State University, a senior facing the looming fears of graduation or a non-traditional student adapting to university life, the pit in your stomach should be faced boldly. College offers the exciting opportunity to change and evolve, and anyone accepting it gracefully and with no hesitation is simply faking it, we all feel the fear of new changes.
Facing the preconceived pressures
There are very few things in life that are guaranteed, and unfortunately one of them is failure. You are going to do poorly in a class, make friends with the wrong person, lose touch with someone you didn’t mean to and most of all, it will keep happening.
Just because you failed at one thing, does not mean you yourself are a failure. The best thing we can do as humans is learn to adapt and pivot, no one is expecting you to stand steadfast in the face of failure.
Jose Valle, a counselor located at the Boise State health services sheds light on the tricky feelings that naturally progress as we experience change or disappointment.
“It’s okay to feel that way. It’s all right. But at some point, you say ‘okay, I need to figure out how to untangle this,’” said Valle. “If you haven’t done it yet, it’s because you probably haven’t acquired the skills to do it. We’re here to help you.”
A common challenge students face is the ability to stay steady on one course. It is okay to start your college experience as a pre-med student and switch to English literature. It is vital you find a passion and take care of it, at the very least you will enjoy failing at it.
“And so because we live in a world where the target is often moving and changing…you gotta go with what you really want to do,” said Valle. “Not what you think is going to make the most money.”
The concept of failure and discomfort is tragically stigmatized in this day and age. While of course no one aims for failure, it is something we must learn to navigate as its looming threat hovers over us daily.
The country of Finland has gone as far as declaring Oct. 13 as their national “Day of Failure” in which people share their own biggest mistakes in an effort to chip away at awkward and uncomfortable feelings we have surrounding imperfection.
As odd as it sounds, there may be something to learn from celebrating failure. You are living and discovering new ways to do so, that itself is celebratory.
The science of failing
Believe it or not, facing disappointments and failure serves a detrimental purpose to your inevitable success, but only if you learn to look it in its ugly face and introduce yourself to it.
Data scientists from the University of Chicago studied the critical differences between initial failures and progress between future attempts.
“The factor that ultimately determined which path an individual took was the extent to which they learned from previous failures and how they applied that knowledge going forward, according to the study.”
Essentially, when you face a failure or experience a form of disappointment, you must simply acknowledge it and try again.
A study from the New York academy of science found that the mindset of a student greatly impacted how they perceived an academic setback.
The study deduced that students who focused primarily on the learning process did not tend to label learning experiences as failures, while students who were more focused on physical outcomes such as grades and feedback were more likely to label a setback as a permanent failure.
“What we see is college graduates that do well in their profession actually did not have great grades,” said Valle. “They had balance and turned mistakes [into] growth.”
Receiving excellent grades and excelling academically is not all life is meant to be and it is certainly not an intuitive trait we are born with. Acknowledging the realistic threat of failure is half the battle, making peace with its inevitable presence is the rest.
The resources available to you
Finding solace in facing failure and discomfort is no small feat, unfortunately it will continue to follow you throughout your life.
Boise State University offers multiple ways in which students can receive help when these uncomfortable feelings get too heavy to carry alone.
Health Services at Boise State offers counseling services for all students and they take most insurance providers, although if you do not want your parents to know you are receiving counseling, they offer prolonged payment plans to ensure all students can get the help they need.
Health Services also offers walk-in crisis counseling free of charge for students.
“[Walk in counseling] is during our opening hours so that anyone can come in and they will be seen by a counselor for 30 minutes,” said Valle. “But they won’t be charged … So it’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to not know something. Because that’s what we’re here for.”
Another simple yet mighty solution to helping your new transition is to find a community here at Boise State. You must fight the urge to hide away from the rapid changes you face.
“We’re built to connect with people,” said Valle. “Despite the thought that you can live on an island by yourself.”
In a google form sent out by The Arbiter, students were asked to give advice to students facing the difficulties of a transitional period, one response said to “keep pushing through because you will find your people eventually. You have to dig through a lot of dirt to find gold.”
Join greek life, a club or ask someone in your class to set up a study group. We are not built to go through life alone, let alone go through hardships by ourselves. Chances are you will find someone feeling the same tricky feelings you are.
Being on your own for the first time can come as a shock to many students. The struggle of learning to do your own laundry and taking college classes can bring up new fears that had never existed before.
If you are only willing to do what is easy, life will be hard. You are going to mess up and it will all be okay.
