It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re thinking about your very first crush. If you’re a ‘90s kid, you might recall with a cringe that your first swoon was over Lizzie McGuire or Aaron Carter.
Guess what? This year you can rekindle your love for one of them, Aaron Carter, as you give his new EP, “LøVë”—released Friday, Feb. 10 through Z Entertainment, Inc./Sony Music Entertainment—a listen.
Spoiler alert: it will not be what you’re expecting.
Touting lyrics such as “Panties on my bed, where’d they come from?/Show up uninvited, fucking up my vibes with/All the shit that you pretend you want,” this song, “Fool’s Gold,” and the EP as a whole will permanently incapacitate whatever remnants there were of the 2001 version of you that was dancing to “I Want Candy,” as featured on Lizzie McGuire.
“LøVë” spreads a vibe more akin to G-Eazy than the Backstreet Boys, but Aaron Carter undeniably remains Aaron Carter, and I cannot in good conscience honestly recommend this EP. If you are for whatever reason planning on indulging anyway, be aware that you’ll need to replace your hairbrush-microphone with some shot glasses or a doorknob sock. I rate the apparently unpronounceable “LøVë,” 14 bottles of hair bleach, because through all these years and all this change, one thing has remained the same.