News Ticker

Mashed Potatoes to the Face

Jake’s song of the day:

Elizabeth Tip decided to attend college because she wanted to get a BA in psychology, as her boyfriend, Joshua Foster, decided to go to classes for engineering. Elizabeth was shorter than Joshua, with light-brown, extended hair. Joshua could never keep his eyes off of hers, for her eyes reminded him of the moonlight. As corny as Joshua was, his stature was much surpassing than that of Elizabeth’s. Elizabeth could look at his smile for hours, for his smile was simple paradise.  The lovely, corny couple have been dating for over five years, ever since they approached their sophomore year in high school.

They loved each other, dearly, and they believed that they had faced all the challenges any other relationship would face. Challenges such as time management, communication, fighting for their love, and the trusting bond that they both have with one another. Elizabeth and Joshua, throughout their five years of being together, have had their great moments and, of course, their not-so-great moments. However, they are both proud of themselves for being able to keep their commitment in a tight knot.

As their time together continued on, and when college came into the picture, Joshua knocked up Elizabeth. One night of unpreparedness led the two to have a baby girl, Marie. Shortly after their daughter’s birth, Elizabeth and Joshua moved into an apartment together for a fresh start. Joshua and Elizabeth, being in their early twenties, appreciated the fact that they’ve not only bonded as a wonderful couple that anyone would kill for, but they’ve bonded as a family.

Or so they think, of course.

With the two of them having jobs, college classes, and a six-month old baby girl, this family business was much tougher than they thought. Elizabeth and Joshua have been so busy that they’ve been unable to discuss it together. It was a typical Monday night when all of that changed.

Joshua sat on one side of the card table, eating his cheap TV dinner, as Elizabeth sat on the other side performing the same action. The apartment was quiet and calm, with the soothing sound of a record playing in the background.

“It’s actually quiet,” Joshua said with a smile, taking a bite of his chicken. “I think Marie is really liking the sweet sound of Frank Black.”

Elizabeth replied with a faint laugh, but seemed completely unsatisfied. “I suppose so.”

Joshua raised an eyebrow. “You OK? You’ve barely touched your supper.”

“You sound like my mother,” Elizabeth replied; she took a bite of her peas.

Joshua chortled. “Well, someone has to take care of you, right?” Elizabeth didn’t respond, but instead shrugged her shoulders, not looking at Joshua. “Aw, come on, Ellie-poop, what’s hurtin’ ya, if you catch my drift?”

“It’s not what you think,” Elizabeth said, “it’s just Monday, that’s all. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, when you say something like that and be all vague with me, it’s usually a trap and that if I don’t tend to your care, I will regret it later.”

Elizabeth laughed. “You don’t know that, Josh.”

“We’ve been together for over five years, sweetheart. I know when my girl is upset. Now, what is it?”

Joshua reached across the card table, resting his hand on Elizabeth’s. She moved her hand away gently and set it on her thigh as she continued to eat. Joshua gasped, but responded in a sarcastic manner.

“Rejected?! By my lover? Oh, how can this be?! Well, I better put my hand, elsewhere, so I’m not too lonely.”

Joshua laughed at his unnecessary joke, as Elizabeth didn’t. He stopped immediately, after his position got awkward and ridiculous. It was quiet in the apartment, once again. Joshua looked at his food, as his lover picked at hers with the plastic fork. Joshua didn’t like this. Usually when Elizabeth was this silent, it meant that she was about to explode, like a time bomb. At this point, Joshua would have cheered Elizabeth right up about now. Then, he realized that this was serious. So, Joshua decided to take a different approach.

 joshua and elizabeth (2)


“We can go shopping, if that’ll make you feel better.” Joshua smiled, like a dim-witted school boy. Elizabeth took a bite of her peas.

“If that’s what you think will make me feel better, hon,” Elizabeth replied, “but I already went shopping and I don’t really need anything right now.”

Joshua laughed. “Oh! FALSE! Ellie, shopping is your favorite ‘sport.’ You always want something at the store. And I know it will cheer you up from whatever is troubling you!”

“Well, money can’t buy you out of this one, Josh.”

Joshua blinked, stunned. “Wait what? What do you mean?”

He hated not being able to look at Elizabeth in the eye. She was constantly avoiding eye-contact with him. She was extremely upset, but Joshua could sense a hint of guilt.

“Baby, please look at me.”

Elizabeth looked at him, straight in the eyes, with tears rolling down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Josh.”

Joshua looked down at his food, with a distressed grunt.

“Robert, huh? You better not be joking about this, Ellie!” He looked back at Elizabeth, stuttering. “You saw him, again?! This better be some sick April Fools’ joke, sweetie, because this ain’t funny!”

The Frank Black record continued to play, as Elizabeth sobbed and Joshua raising his voice. “I only met up with Robert for lunch, that’s it!”

“Bull!” Joshua yelled, causing Elizabeth to shush him to avoid waking up the baby. “Do you have any idea what that constant dill-hole almost did to us and our relationship? What you almost did?!”

Elizabeth fought back. “Josh, I swear to my dead mother, I only saw that constant dill-hole for lunch! He wanted to catch up, so I gave him the chance to meet up for lunch. That’s it! Nothing more! I know I should’ve told you earlier, but I know how much of a burden Robert is and I couldn’t help but keep quiet. I’m really sorry, Josh, but don’t you dare start blaming me for this as well.”

“Oh?!” Joshua chuckled, taking an aggressively ridiculous bite out of his chicken. “So, you’re saying what happened with you and Robert is my fault, also?! Oh, wow! This was three years ago, Ellie. Why is it coming back to us now?!”

“It’s not, Josh, because I couldn’t care less about Robert. But if you want to bring up the past, then yes, part of what happened between me and Robert was also your fault.” Elizabeth took a pea, from her dinner, and threw it at Joshua, hitting him in the forehead.

Joshua threw a piece of chicken at her, smacking her on the breast.

“How, Ellie?! How is it my fault?!”

“You hit me, Josh! That’s how!” Elizabeth threw the chicken right back at Joshua, which impacted his face.

Joshua ignored the chicken and stared at his girlfriend in silence. She had a stern look on her face, as his showed a surprised, yet shocked, expression. “I…I hit you?”

Elizabeth took a bite of her peas. “Yes. Yes you did. I don’t know if that’s your dementia kicking in, or you’re just full of crap, but yes, you hit me.”

“W-why would I hit you…? Ellie…”

Elizabeth looked at him with concern. “Babe, you don’t remember?”

Joshua shook his head, as he quietly began to sob. “Well, dammit! I figured it was something like that!”

“It’s your dementia,” Elizabeth replied. “Did you take your medication?” That’s when the angry energy really started to uplift.

“No,” Joshua replied with a stern look, “because I forgot!”

“How can you forget?! You’re supposed to take them every 24 hours!”

Joshua laughed manically. “Well, maybe my dementia is getting worser!”

“Oh, you and your crap vocabulary, I can’t stand it!”

“I’m an engineer, I don’t need to know that!” Joshua yelled, taking a sip of his glass of water.

“An engineer major!” Elizabeth snapped. “I’m surprised you can remember that!”

Joshua gasped in shock, like a preppy school-girl, took his water, and splashed it on Elizabeth’s face. She gasped just as loud as the liquid impacted her face and chest. She was soaked, with an irate attitude spread across her face.

“I really like this outfit,” Elizabeth said in a calm manner, desperately trying to hold her anger inside. She really didn’t want to wake Marie from her slumber. Joshua’s eyes were huge, for he knew the sort of trouble he was currently in. He was angry, too, so he decided to make the situation worse.

“Well, dear, if it shrinks, we can go shopping. It’ll make you feel better.”

Elizabeth, the time bomb, finally exploded once she lunged for Joshua, when she threw the card table full of food on its side. The impact of the table and dishes hitting the floor made a large thump. It was loud enough to wake up Marie, for sure. Elizabeth tackled Joshua on the floor, stuffing a handful of her mashed potatoes in Joshua’s face.

Joshua gagged and coughed as potatoes were smeared all over his face and forced down his throat. He grunted angrily, took the rest of his chicken, which happened to lay nearby, and smeared it on Elizabeth’s face. Elizabeth kept Joshua pinned down, rubbing her hand all over his face, as she also struggled to keep his chicken out of hers. “I’m not stopping unless you do!”

“Oh, I love mashed potatoes!” Joshua yelled angrily.

“You remember that too? Wow, what a surprise!”

Joshua spat, getting saliva and mashed potatoes on Elizabeth’s face. “At least I remember where I put your ring!”

They both stopped going at each other, once Joshua had said that last comment. Elizabeth sat up on Joshua’s stomach, as Joshua just laid there in shock completely unsatisfied with what he just said. If he was going to propose to his girlfriend, he certainly didn’t want her to find out about it until later, especially during this predicament, for that matter.

“Josh,” Elizabeth said, “what ring?”

Joshua laughed nervously and tried to come up with a lie, but failed miserably. “Ha! April Fool’s! I fooled you! You’re a real fool!”

“Josh, today isn’t April Fools’ Day; I know you’re lying. What do you mean by ‘I remember where I put your ring?’”

The sound of a crying baby rang through the halls of the apartment. Marie had woken up from her deep sleep. Joshua started to blame Elizabeth.

“See, Ellie? YOU woke the baby! And, you made a mess on the kitchen floor! Bad Ellie! Now, get off me!”

Elizabeth kept him pinned to the floor, making sure he couldn’t get up. Elizabeth was always somewhat stronger than Joshua.

“What ring, Josh?”

Josh sighed heavily, rolled his eyes, and confessed. “The one you’re sitting on.”

“There’s a ring in your pocket?” Elizabeth choking up.

“No, it’s up my butt,” Joshua responded sarcastically. “Of course there’s a ring in my pocket. I figured tonight would be perfect, since it was quiet and the baby was sound asleep, which she never is!”

Elizabeth sat up on Joshua’s stomach once again.

“What would be perfect?”

“To like… ask you to marry me and stuff.”

Elizabeth did not know what to think. She and Joshua just got into an outrageous conflict, a conflict like none of the others that they’ve had. She wanted to punch Joshua in the jaw, though she also wanted to attack him with kisses. The whole ring thing changes everything.

“Look,” Joshua said, catching his breath from all the fighting, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hit you a few years back. Now that I think of it, I remember when and how it happened. I feel like crap just thinking about it now.”

Elizabeth leaned over him and kissed his lips tenderly. “Shut up, you fat idiot. I’m sorry, too, about the whole thing with Robert and lunch. I should have told you before-hand. I just felt so bad about it because… yeah… that happened.”

“Let’s not worry about it,” Joshua responded. “The past is past, what’s done is done. Let’s not let it affect us now. We’re in a healthy relationship, we love each other, and a beautiful daughter, who is refusing to go back to sleep right now. If the past is calling, don’t pick up, it has nothing new to say.”

Elizabeth snorted, kissing Joshua’s cheek. “Did you come up with that? The last part?”

Joshua laughed. “Pfft, no. I got it off the internet. Uh… Elizabeth?”

“Yes, Joshua?” smiling brightly.

“Will you marry me…? And yeah…?” Josh took out a ring from his right pocket, showing it to the love of his life. He was so nervous. “You’re r-really pretty when you sit on me like that.”

Elizabeth laughed, kissing Joshua over and over, taking the ring from his hand. “Hell yeah, I will marry you, Josh!”

The couple laid on the floor, covered in food, holding and kissing each other over and over. They completely forgot that Marie was still bawling her eyes out in her crib.

“I better go get her,” Elizabeth said with a smile. “Josh, you just made me the happiest girl alive.”

Joshua chuckled and smiled, not really thinking of what to say next. “You just made me happier than a girl.”

As Elizabeth went into Marie’s room to calm her down, Joshua proceeded to relax on the kitchen floor, covered in mashed potatoes, peas, and chicken. He laughed, staring at the ceiling, and calmly said to himself, “Best. Food fight. Ever.”

The End.

About Jake Arasim (0 Articles)
Hey, dudes! My name is Jacob Arasim and, well, I love telling fiction, for the most part! I've been writing and illustrating my own stories/books ever since I was 5 and I never plan to stop! I love to write about comedy, sci-fi, horror, adventure, and sometimes "icky-romantics." I am majoring in English, with a Creative Writing emphasis, along with a Theatre Arts minor. I am 19 years-old, I like to be a goof, I love meeting new people, eating macaroni 'n' cheese, and just having a good time. I also enjoy lovely music bands such as the Pixies, Jack White, Sonic Youth, Belle & Sebastian, Nirvana, White Stripes, The Cure, Rage Against the Machine, The Jesus and Mary Chain, the list goes on! I also enjoy watching the Evil Dead and Harry Potter Movies, reading books, listening to records, going on runs, and just being a cool cat. Speaking of cats, I really LOVE CATS! That is all, enjoy my blog, and I appreciate you reading. Stay awesome!