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The bright side of the end of the world

Cody Finney / The Arbiter

Happy Apocalypse Week, everyone. I hope you are all prepared with guns and canned food and boarded-up windows, lest the zombies or radioactive bombs or whatever natural causes will cause the world to spontaneously explode (or implode) get you. Ironically it is happening right during finals week.

Despite the common belief that the end of the world will be a horrible occurrence, the timing of this apocalypse is good news for those who have been letting their academics slide. So if you didn’t get straight As it’s not a problem.

Hopefully we are not let down yet again—I can’t begin to describe the disappointment that accompanied the sun rising the day after the last supposed apocalypse. And though I was but five years old, I can still remember the bitter taste of being let down by Y2K.

This time, though, science is on our side. The ancient Mayan, known for their impressively advanced civilization (after all, Europe invented social organization, right?) and for their impressively violent human sacrifices, predicted hundreds of years ago that Friday, Dec. 21, 2012 is the day.

Or, rather, the end of all days.

Who would’ve thought some guy working on a calendar, presumably thinking, “Yeah, that’s like a few thousand years. We’ll keep going when we get there,” would be the herald of death for many western peoples in the future.

I, for one, am just glad the end of the world means I don’t have to worry about my finals anymore, after all, once the human race has been almost completely obliterated by an as-of-yet unknown circumstance, whether or not I passed my math class will seem awfully trivial. I intend to spend the next few days kicking back and relaxing, not stressing about a final exam and a grade that will become irrelevant within the week.

So the end of the world (if it happens) is actually a good thing, unless you got fantastic grades all semester. But otherwise you no longer have to worry about keeping grades up or finding a job or dealing with all of that “real world stress.”

Feel free to join me this week in my celebration of our last week on Earth. I’ll be the one sobbing into my Cheetos and watching the entire LOST series on Netflix.

About Zoe Colburn (0 Articles)
Zoe is a freshman Communications major who spends far too much time holed up in her room watching movies. She hopes to someday be an entertainment journalist.