It appears that a pattern is emerging

A 74-year-old man was arrested for drunk driving after he crashed his car into a guardrail in Susquehanna Township, Penn.

He told police he was headed to court for a hearing on a previous drunk driving arrest.

Dude, they were really here. I swear, man

A man called police on his cell phone to report that he had been chased up a tree by narcotics officers in St. Cloud, Minn.

When the cops arrived, they found no narcotics officers, and
determined that the man was high on drugs and was hallucinating.
   
I have some previous experience with crime

A man applied for a job as an Atlanta police officer.

When they did a background check on him, the cops found that he was wanted for a bank robbery.

Oh, you’re a cop? Us too

A man impersonating a police officer pulled over two men in a
car in eastern Kentucky, only to find out that the two were
undercover police detectives.
   
I just can’t get women to like me. I don’t know why

After a woman rejected his sexual advances, a 54-year-old Scottsdale, Ariz., man responded by destroying her mailbox and leaving behind a naked picture of himself.

A police investigation revealed that he had done the same thing to 16 other women in the past five years.

I might have been at the station, why do you ask?

A man waiting at the police station in Arlington, Va., to retrieve his impounded vehicle, stealthily reached into the purse of a woman standing next to him and stole her keys and some cash. But she caught him, so he gave the stuff back and fled.

Police had no trouble locating him since he had already given his name to the desk sergeant.

Do you mean `Wich?’

A man in Lancaster, England, enraged that his girlfriend broke up with him, spray-painted obscenities on her very expensive Peugeot, including the word “bich.”

He was caught because he called her that in a text message and misspelled the word there as well.

Get your filthy hands off me, you damn dirty ape

Officials in New Delhi, India, have solved the problem of
monkeys boarding the city’s trains and frightening passengers.

They have hired their own monkey, who has been trained to scare off the other monkeys.
   
Yes officer, that’s them

Two 19-year-old men stole a trampoline form a back yard in Dunedin, New Zealand, at 1 a.m., then boldly walked down the sidewalk carrying it.

A neighbor saw them and called police.

The two dropped the trampoline and tried to flee through several back yards when the cops arrived, but they were easy to spot because they were heavily intoxicated and dressed as Smurfs.

They were arrested.

 
Why do you say that?

After crashing his car into the bedroom of a sleeping couple in Alice Springs, Australia, at 2 a.m., a drunk driver freed himself from the wreckage, pulled a brewski from his vehicle, and told the stunned homeowners, “I’d better have another beer. I’m going to jail for sure.”

Now think Ma’am, did you put them on this morning?

The woman in charge of teaching the police academy course on driving under the influence of alcohol was pulled over while driving 90 mph on the Florida Turnpike with an open bottle of Southern Comfort. She was roaring drunk and naked from the waist down. When arresting officers asked her where her pants were, she replied, “I don’t know.”

This is a stick-up … Oh, no, don’t … Blam!

A man went into a gun shop in Auckland, New Zealand, with robbery in mind. Alas, he had armed himself only with a machete. He was immediately shot.

I feel much better now

Authorities who arrested a drug smuggler at the Lagos, Nigeria, airport, forced him to sit on a bedpan and (ahem) rid himself of the illicit substances that he had wrapped in plastic and swallowed. In three days, he had expelled 3.5 pounds of cocaine.

Uh, book? What book?

A murder suspect being questioned in a Minnesota police interrogation room told detectives he couldn’t have committed the crime because he is legally blind.

After the officers left the room, the man took out a paperback book and began reading.

He was surprised to learn that all suspects in interrogation rooms are videotaped at all times.

Why do you need to see ID?

Three burglars broke into a home in Sylvester, Ga., and stole the checkbook belonging to the homeowner, who is an employee of a local bank.

Then, in a stroke of very bad luck, they went to that bank to cash one of the checks.

I’m back and I have brought the handcuffs

A few weeks after a sheriff’s deputy came to her home to
investigate a noise complaint, a woman in Aloha, Ore., dialed the 911 emergency number to ask that he return because he was “the cutest cop I’ve ever seen.”

The officer did return and arrested her for misusing the police emergency system.

Did I say Manson, officer? I meant to say Mason

Police in Illinois took a man into protective custody because he was heavily intoxicated, but he didn’t want the cops to know that he had a warrant out for his arrest so he gave them a phony name.

Unfortunately, the name he gave was of a man who was also wanted by police.

Wakey-wakey

A teenager, dressed only in ladies’ panties for some reason, broke into a video store in Durham, N.H., in the dead of night.

He was discovered by store employees the next morning, because he had wrapped himself in the drapes and fell asleep on the couch.

But this spoils everything

An activist wanted to take a formal stand against the legality of cameras that photograph people running red lights in Houston, Texas, so he purposely went through a red light intending to challenge the evidence from the camera being used against him in court. Alas, a cop saw him run the light and arrested him. The camera evidence won’t be necessary.

Looking for me?  But why?

After a vendor at the California State Fair was paid with a counterfeit $20, he told the cops that the kid who passed the bill was carrying a strip of pictures from a nearby photo booth.

A check of the film turned up a picture of the lad and his friends proudly displaying wads of bogus cash. Not knowing that the cops were now on the lookout for him, the kid returned to the fair and tried to pass more funny money.

ARBITER WHAT THE ?

Hey, wait a minute… you want me to do what?!

A group of five BSU students embarked on an adventure to Phoenix, Ariz. One of them lost his luggage and needed to charge his cell phone but the charger was in the lost luggage. Luckily, another student had the same model phone and was able to borrow it. Since they were both sharing a room together and working together, it was inevitable for the phones to be side by side.

One day, one of the men grabbed what he thought was his phone… only to find out it wasn’t when he received a text message from the other man’s girlfriend asking him to join her in the bathtub in the hotel room below them.

Not once, but twice

A 19-year-old BSU student was caught in bed (sleeping) with his male co-worker in their hotel room by the maid. The maid then apologized for “interrupting.” The same maid came in later only to find the student sewing a button on his pants while in his boxers.

Definitions aren’t always pleasant, words can hurt

A 19-year-old BSU student was videotaping a young woman coming out of the women’s restroom one day. To get back at him she threw a dictionary toward his nether regions. This young man learned to never mess with copy editors ever again … and also learned how words can sometimes be used as weapons.

No big deal, it was just my whole apartment that burned to the ground

Upon learning his apartment burned down, a BSU student called into work to tell his supervisor he would “be late” because of a “small fire” at his house and he had some stuff he needed to take care of. The entire apartment was destroyed.

When asked if he had lost everything, he replied by casually saying “oh, naw, I still have a few sweatshirts in my car.”

I just wanted to cuddle

A 19-year-old BSU student was taking a shower one morning and his ex-girlfriend climbed into his bed, only to cuddle with his new flame.

Needless to say, the ex-girlfriend was not amused and proceeded to berate him in the men’s bathroom. The guy sitting on the toilet was terrified.

MCT Campus Wire Services

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Think again – you may be able to keep some of that cash in your pocket.

Personal computers are cheaper than ever before, and even the major vendors’ least expensive models have everything you need for basic tasks like e-mail, word processing and Web browsing.

“The days of companies cutting back on features to meet price points are over,” said Stephen Baker, director of industry analysis at NPD Group.

Most people won’t need to spend more than $600 for a new desktop – or $700 for a laptop – from companies like Hewlett-Packard and Dell. Even Apple Computer’s Mac mini costs $599, although the company’s high-end monitors double the price.

Gamers and video editors require systems with more processing power and better graphics chips, but midrange systems that cost less than $1,000 provide that capability, according to Tim Bajarin, principal analyst at Creative Strategies in Campbell, Calif.

Most new computers also come with a coupon for Microsoft’s Vista operating system, available in January. Vista’s DirectX 10 software makes graphics look better even on low-end machines, Bajarin said.

The only bad news for consumers: PC vendors probably won’t drop prices much further anytime soon.

“You’ll see entry-level desktops reach somewhat of a threshold,” Bajarin said. “Even newbies who want a low-end system are starting to ask for more stuff.

When you realize you have to have more memory and better screen resolution, you’re going to continue to see low-end systems in the $400 to $600 range.”

The similarities among low-end PC systems also means it’s tough to decide which to buy.

“The beauty and the bane of the PC business is that everybody uses the same basic components,” Baker said. “If you put products together with the same basic components, all the products will work pretty much the same.”

To differentiate themselves from competitors, several companies have beefed up warranty offerings, which means better customer service.

“The No. 1 thing to look at is the warranty itself and the time it lasts, but what’s more important may be the reputation of the company when it comes to service and support,” said Bajarin, who praised desktop service from HP and Dell and laptop service by HP, Lenovo and Toshiba

Ryan Blitstein
San Jose Mercury News

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We will be starting, right away, to work on our agenda. The swearing in of candidates on the 22nd of March and we will get right to work. Most of our platform points are issues that LaTisha and I have been working on for months; we consider them to be of the utmost importance. We will encourage Math 108 reform. We will stop the +/- grading system from going into effect. We will stop the issuing of parking tickets after 5 p.m. and on weekends. We will work with the administration to keep fee increases low. We will support student athletics and student involvement on campus. We will bring back Free Pick-a-Prof.com to all students. You can learn more about our platform at www.gobroncos.org. Check out the profile of these candidates by clicking on this  Team Bronco Executive Candidates!

Ormond/Holdaway

The main objectives of our campaign are to improve the quality of education at Boise State University, have an open and efficient student government, and reform or find better options for student health insurance.

We will accomplish each of the main objectives of our platform. We will better inform the student body by updating the ASBSU Web site and communicating student government progress through weekly e-mail. Through collaborations with the Faculty Senate, we plan to establish higher standards for the quality of education. We will work with the Health and Wellness Center to research better options for student health insurance and implement those options as quickly as possible. We look forward to accomplishing these goals while also being open to any additional student body needs. Check out the profile of these candidates by clicking on this  Ormond / Holdaway

Parke/George

Main objectives: To stop the +/- grading system, to put a textbook library on campus, to make sure everyone is assigned an advisor instead of students having to search and find their own advisor, and to increase student involvement hear at Boise State. We hope to accomplish our main objectives listed above and to unite Student Government as a whole. Also, we plan to increase the visibility of student organizations. Check out the profile of these candidates by clicking on this  Orange Party Executive Candidates

EDITORS' NOTE:

Further information available at www.arbiteronline.com

Jessica Wigley & Chad Mendenhall
News Desk

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What's missing, they say, are the voices of ordinary Iraqi citizens.

Their solution is “War News Radio,'' a small program that's starting to get big attention by broadcasting incisive accounts and observations of people caught up in the conflict.

Using the tools on their desks _ phones and computers _ the student journalists connect with Iraqis and others in the region to paint a portrait of daily life that's all but invisible on the nightly news.

"We had this pretty grand hope that once we began educating ourselves, we could actually bring something to the media that people weren't getting," says Amelia Templeton, a senior history major and one of three “War News Radio'' editors.

A recent program featured an Iraqi artist describing how he incorporates images of the violence into his paintings. In another show, a U.S. Marine, a Muslim, talked about what it's like to fight in Iraq. In a third segment, the head of the Iraqi stock exchange discussed the state of the country's financial infrastructure. (Yes, Iraq has a viable exchange, though these days the fortunes of its stocks are displayed on a dry-erase board, hand-written in felt-tip marker.)

"People manage," says Wren Elhai, a 19-year-old political science major. "People carry on what would be almost normal lives, if they weren't telling you about hearing a bomb go off."

How do the students snare interviews with people living 6,000 miles away?

They simply call them up. Of course, they have to find them first.

For that they mine names and contact information from college faculties, relief organizations, friends of friends. The Internet offers directories that are the next best thing to an Iraqi phone book, along with blogs written by combatants and civilians who can be reached via e-mail.

Top that off with Skype software _ which allows people to talk over the Internet for free, using microphones and headsets _ and it can be easier to reach an Iraqi from a college newsroom in Swarthmore than from a hotel room in Baghdad.

"Getting in touch with Iraqis has not been the insurmountable challenge it seemed to be at the start," Elhai says. "You run into more brick walls trying to get someone in the U.S. military to talk to you."

The students ask questions that are disarmingly simple: Is the Iraqi university system still functioning? (Yes, despite widespread looting.) Do Iraqis ever go on vacation? (They do, to Egypt.) Will Iraq send athletes to the Olympics? (One, a skeleton sledder, the first Iraqi to compete in the Winter Games.)

At first, "none of us had any clue what we were doing," says Tev Kelman, 22, a senior majoring in anthropology.

But he and others had an interest in the war, a sense that history was occurring in front of them, and a belief that small, intimate tales could help tell the larger story.

"This war is this huge sweeping thing, these global effects, but all the day-to-day work on both sides is done by day-to-day people," Kelman says. "And their thoughts are not on the future of Iraq and America, but on keeping their family alive, and getting through the day."

For a piece on the danger of traffic checkpoints, Kelman interviewed an Iraqi physician whose daughter was shot and killed _ apparently by mistake _ by U.S. troops. The man's voice is brittle with anger and grief.

Balancing his words are those of an American soldier, who talks about being on duty at a checkpoint _ that is, what it's like to be hot, tired, and most of all afraid that the car speeding toward you is filled with explosives.

"One thing I really like about this journalism is you're not required, or even allowed, to deliver a verdict," Kelman says. "An OK answer is, 'It's complicated.'"

The show was the idea of “60 Minutes'' producer David Gelber, a Swarthmore alumnus and board member. Early in his career, Gelber helped produce daily reports on the Vietnam war at listener-funded Pacifica Radio.

Watching the news from Iraq, Gelber says, he didn't see the electronic media distinguishing itself. Nuanced reporting was being displaced by coverage of ongoing carnage.

He proposed that Swarthmore help students create a program modeled on the Pacifica approach, which used personal narrative to illuminate complex issues.

“War News Radio'' creaked into production early last year, housed in a homemade sound studio in the basement of the campus student center. Since then it has moved to a larger space. Because the college doesn't offer journalism courses, the staff _ about two dozen students participate _ has had to learn as it goes.

"This is the real world," says adviser Marty Goldensohn, former New York bureau chief of public radio's “Marketplace.'' "You have a deadline. You have to write in such a way that not just a sophisticated professor can understand it, but the average person."

And listeners have to be able to understand on the first pass, because after all, it's radio.

The students say their reporting comes with unusual freedoms but also unique challenges.

For one thing, the Iraqis interviewed on air represent a narrow slice of the populace, in that they speak good English and are willing to cooperate with American reporters. And because the interviews are conducted by phone, it can be hard to ascertain whether people are who they say they are. Also, because the program is based at an Eastern, elite, liberal college, the students battle the presumption that the show is edited to please Eastern elite liberals.

"We want to do an honest job," says Eva Barboni, a 21-year-old junior majoring in political science and economics. Adds Templeton: "We don't have a political goal. We have a journalistic goal, and the journalistic goal is to be an independent voice, and try to get Iraqi voices into the American media."

“War News Radio'' airs Fridays at 8 p.m. EST on college station WSRN-FM, and is also available via podcast and the Internet at `

http://www.warnewsradio.org/

It has been picked up by a station in Australia and another in Italy, and added to the programming of a public station in Seattle and a student operation at Carleton College in Minnesota. It may soon be syndicated to stations around the country.

Elhai hopes “War News Radio'' gives people "a truer picture of what is going on" _ even if he isn't sure what that is.

"You sort of have this notion that you can go talk to people and figure out 'the story.' And you can't," he says. "We talk to Iraqis and get as many conflicting answers as you'll get in America."

Jeff Gammage
Knight Ridder Newspapers

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left high school, there was a little book published as an aid for

incoming freshman. The book detailed teacher evaluation comments,

numbers of students who’d flunked the class and those

who’d aced it, and rankings of professors from the easiest to

the most difficult.

Of course at good old Boise State, a professor could keep heads

in his freezer for all we know, unless we happen to have a friend

who’s taken that class. Teacher evaluations (considered

personnel files) are locked away in secrecy. Whether these comments

and scantron bubble sheets are given any notice at all is a Jon

Bonet-esque mystery.

Four editors-in-chief of The Arbiter ago (or five if you count

my own two-month tenure of command), we published in our Finals

Relief issue uncensored comments about professors made by students

visiting a booth we’d set up at the SUB.

Unbeknownst to us then we’d nearly broken the libel laws.

You won’t see The Arbiter doing that again any time soon.

ASBSU also tried without success to institute student access to

teacher evaluation data.

But all this doesn’t mean teacher evaluations aren’t

regarded at all. As a work-study slave for two academic

departments, and a former work-study slave for several other

departments, I’ve seen the way these evaluations are handled.

In some cases, they’re stapled together, filed and saved for

future reference during personnel reviews. In other cases, a

work-study slave (such as myself) meticulously types out each

student comment, and sends it forth to the department head for

immediate perusal.

In typing out these comments I notice that too often students

are vague in their criticisms, hollow in their compliments and

un-constructive in calls for change. Here are statements that come

up again and again: “The professor was very

knowledgeable.”

Well, they didn’t win their Ph.D. at Bingo – if a

professor’s unknowledgeable in their subject area,

that’s something to write about.

Once during a journalism workshop, I was taught by a lecturer so

drunk and/or hung over he was barely coherent. If that workshop

featured evaluations, you can bet I’d have noted just

that.

“The professor made inappropriate remarks.” Like

what? That he voted for Nader? That he likes to look up little

girls’ dresses? Again, be specific.

I’ve read some apt criticisms of professors using

extremely crude language and dialogue, but inappropriate can mean a

lot of things. Some consider it inappropriate – for instance

– to wear white socks with black shoes.

“The professor was a sexist bastard.”

Did he refer to women as girls? Or was it more severe?

Did he only call on male students? Did he make inappropriate

sexual remarks to women? If you’re going to write this on

your evaluation, elaborate. Sexist behavior can be interpreted in

different ways by different people. Offer examples of why you feel

you were subject to bias in the classroom.

“The professor was interesting.”

Here’s your chance to laud a good professor. Glowing

reviews from students help out in personnel meetings, particularly

if a professor is trying to go from adjunct to full time, or gain

another type of promotion. I’ve read glowing accolades about

some professors. Instead of just saying they were interesting or

class was fun, offer examples of what set this professor apart from

others who were less interesting lecturers.

“Poor choice of videos/slides/textbooks.”

What was poor about them? Were they products of the ‘70s?

Are there other audiovisual tools you would recommend in place of

them? Just mentioning that something isn’t good doesn’t

offer any indication on how to make it better.

Aside from go-nowhere, useless statements, there are many things

students ought to complain about and don’t. Take, for

instance, those professors who make students buy exorbitantly

priced textbooks, which they never or seldom used. Or, those who do

use the textbooks, but don’t buy them back. I had one

professor who forced me to buy an $80 book she didn’t take

back, and I hope to hell she gets audited this year.

As for anyone who has classes in the Liberal Arts Building,

let’s not miss our chance to complain about that either. You

get 25 people packed in one of those rooms, it’s like

you’re going to suffocate. Not only that, but English

professors are fond of arranging desks in circles thereby blocking

all exits. If a fire ever breaks out in that place, we’ll be

fried like Great White fans. And is it too much to ask for a

window? Who are we, Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs?

Maybe someday, BSU will get progressive enough to make its vital

stats on professors available to students. But until then, make

your praise effusive, your complaints pointed, your sentences

meaningful and your criticism constructive.

Oh, and if you’re complimenting an English professor, make

sure your words are spelled correctly. Writing has one

“t.” Word to the wise.

Sean C. Hayes, The Arbiter

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