The Bronco Bashers’ Blog: How to get Coach Pete to stay

Jordan and Tyler are the host of Sports Campus (University of Alabama’s student-run radio sports show). Twice a week they will contribute a blog based around the Southeastern Conference and Alabama’s opinion of Boise State.

Tyler Rigdon (left) and Jordan Eichenblatt host Alabama's student-run sports radio show.

Last week, I said if Boise loses Monday night’s game, Chris Petersen will be coaching his last season for the Broncos. I said Michigan could be where he ends up, but there is a conference with three teams that may have a coaching position open very soon. The SEC. Ole Miss, Louisiana State and Georgia. Houston Nutt, Les Miles and Mark Richt.

Nutt has done half of what Ole Miss expected him to do. He brought the team back to the national spotlight, only to drop off again. Les Miles is three years off a BCS Championship and 8-8 in SEC play in the seasons since. Let’s not forget the horrible time management against Ole Miss last year. Finally, Richt at UGA — two players arrested for DUIs, and another under NCAA investigation. Following the 2008 season, when the Dogs were contenders for the BCS Championship, the team went 4-4 in SEC play in 2009. One of those coaches will no longer be the coach of their team by this time next year and Chris Petersen will be the coach of that team.

So Boise faithful, how can you keep Petersen other than on the field play? Act like an SEC school. Here is the how to be an SEC fan guide step by step.

Buy a big black garbage bag and throw away the face paint, the body paint, the eye black strips, the wigs, the noise makers, the big hats and did I say the wigs? The SEC fans dresses up for football games like it is a formal event, not shirtless with an explanation mark painted on their chests.

Next, the colors are orange, blue and white. Purchase a button down shirt in one of those colors. Buy an orange or blue tie or bow tie. Depending on the color of your shirt, buy the opposite color pants. Orange shirt gets blue pants and a white tie, and don’t forget the boat shoes. If your a superstitious type of person, a polo would be a better fit for you.

For girls, go buy a sundress in one of those colors and purchase a face tattoo of the Boise logo. The final touch is the Shaker. The shaker is a long plastic stick with a pom-pon-like thing on the end. The colors need to be blue and orange. You will shake this aggressively during the game, and trust me, it’ll come in handy.

During the week, the gentlemen will ask a lady to be his date to the game. Like a real date. The gentlemen will provide the food and the drinks. Guys, you’re on a date to a college football game. Can it get any better? Your date will meet you at a house or a tent in the popular tailgate spot which you set up hours prior to the game. You will have burgers and some dogs, a cooler full of Natural Light and regular and diet coke. You will also have a separate cooler for ice and your handle of Jack Daniels No. 7.

Game time is one hour away, so finish your beer or drink. Pour the whiskey into some kind of container and sneak it into the game. Inside the game buy two drinks from the concession stands and add the whiskey and stir with the shaker you bought to go with your outfit. (See, I told you it would come in handy.) During the game, do not try to start chants. Follow them. Do not yell out questions like, “Why is he in the game?” Or, “Why don’t we pass it?” Coach Petersen is on the field for a reason. That reason also applies to why you are not a football player or a coach. Yes, you played high school football, but you obviously weren’t any good since you’re not playing now.

Stay the entire game — until the band plays the alma mater or fight song. Coach Petersen will see that many fans are dressed up and staying and he will appreciate that. Win Monday and it will be all good. Well, not really. Go to the BCS Championship and your coach is staying. Go to a BCS Bowl game, the headlines will read, (insert SEC school here) names Chris Petersen head coach of football team. Good luck Monday, Broncos.

Alabama is without their Heisman winner at running back, but his back up is just as good, so we are not worrying here in Tuscaloosa. The tents are up on the quad, the alumni are here and the crazy guy with the Bear Bryant tattoo is running around. Roll Tide. 2010 College football starts now.

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Posted by Brittney Johnson on Sep 7 2010. Filed under Main Feature, Sports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.