-
1 of 10
-
2 of 10
-
3 of 10
-
4 of 10
-
5 of 10
-
6 of 10
-
7 of 10
-
8 of 10
-
9 of 10
-
10 of 10
Audacious Aunnie’s adventures
Those boots were made for sex, not walking
Archive
Comments
Story
Nothing bothers me more than a girl walking in high heels who resembles a Clydesdale tromping around with a stick up its ass.
Last week, I was behind a girl with six- or seven-inch wedge heels as she stumbled along as if her hip joints were out of socket. With each thunderous clomp, I winced and felt embarrassed for her because she looked hideous. I wanted to tell her that the shoes she wore were intended as fetish shoes – to be worn in bed during foreplay or sex – the makers didn’t intend them for walking.
UK magazine, The New Humanist, cites the book, “The Sex Life of the Foot and Shoe,” by podiatrist William A. Rossi as saying, “Not a few men are sexually aroused to erection by observing women walk with obvious distress in tight shoes. One man confessed: ‘Even when I hear a woman say her tight shoes are killing her – that’s enough to bring an instant erection.’”
It seems that men would notice this girl as beyond helpless and discommodious.
According to Wikipedia, high-heeled shoes were invented in France: “In 1533, the diminutive wife of the Duke of Orleans, Catherine de’ Medici, commissioned a cobbler to fashion her a pair of heels, both for fashion, and to increase her stature. High-heeled shoes quickly caught on with the fashion-conscious men and women of the French court, and spread to pockets of nobility in other countries. The term ‘well-heeled’ became synonymous with opulent wealth.”
Women have had almost 500 years to adapt to high-heels. We should be high-heel masters.
I bought my first pair of heels the summer of 2007 for a wedding in which I was the maid-of-honor. I got the shoes in the mail three months early and at the advice of my drag queen friend, wore them while doing everyday chores like vacuuming, dishes and dusting. While I was able to walk and stay upright, I never wore the shoes for more than 30 minutes at a time. It took until I was almost 30 years old to own my first pair and it is going to take a lot more than an erection to make me buy a second.
For those who want to learn the art of high-heeled walking, there are endless resources. Wikihow.com, eHow.com and shoes.com all boast online read-about solutions. YouTube has more than 10 instructional videos.
Though fashionable, some members of the health community claim high-heeled shoes can cause health issues. At About.com, back, ankle and knee problems are just a few discussed. However, according to a BBC News interview with Dr. Maria Cerruto, an Italian urologist, “She said her study of 66 women under 50 found that those who held their foot at a 15 degree angle to the ground – the equivalent of a two inch heel – had as good posture as those who wore flat shoes, and crucially showed less electrical activity in their pelvic muscles. This suggested the muscles were at an optimum position, which could well improve their strength and ability to contract.”
The point: potentially better sex for high-heeled shoe wearers.
The problem: If you can’t walk in high-heels, you risk death by neck breaking. Either learn or don’t, but if you look at yourself in the mirror while walking and think you look stupid, you do. Don’t venture into public to find out for sure.
ANDREA OYARZABAL
Arbiter Columnist
