Audacious Aunnie’s Adventures

I started an experiment of recording myself while I’m sleeping. I set the voice recorder before I went to bed at night and it picked up on noises like the cat jumping from the bed and the heater kicking on and off.

I had this idea because I had this boss. We went on business trips together and shared a room. After the first night she made a big deal about not having her earplugs.

I have been told I talk in my sleep. My roommate woke-up one night to my singing and she could hear me across the house. One time during my freshman year, I woke myself up shouting economic equations that didn’t make sense.

I worried that I would talk about my boss while sleeping and she would catch me and accuse me the next morning, but it never happened.

Most nights, I saw her fall asleep, her earplugs on the nightstand – she never actually used them.

I recorded myself for 13 nights and discovered that it is really hard to fall asleep knowing you are being recorded. I was surprised, because most nights I didn’t heard anything, except the night I had insomnia because of the recorder.

I can be heard trimming my toenails at 3 a.m. I was embarrassed to listen to the recording the next day.

I feel anxious when I hit play and wait in anticipation.

My heart races as I listen intently, waiting for the slightest noise. It’s like I am spying on myself in my most vulnerable state.
I realized that while sleeping, I have absolutely no control of myself. Anything can happen and there is nothing I can do about it.

I was sure I would hear talking on the night I had a vivid dream about my car being towed.

In my dream, I owed impound $585, was stuck in a warehouse with a lot of chain-link fence and was surrounded by a lot of people.

In my dream I was really angry and frustrated, but the tape didn’t indicate my distress.

There was nothing, not even snoring. On the third night, I fell asleep after nine minutes and could hear myself breathing heavily.

After about two hours I was snoring a little, smacking my mouth together and mumbling.

The scariest part was I made a noise that sounded like a dying donkey.

It feels really strange not being acquainted with your sleeping self.

It’s like listening to a complete stranger who you never realized existed.

I ceased recording for a few nights to try and trick my subconscious into believing I wasn’t being recorded. Still nothing.

I am disappointed that nothing has happened—I want to know my sleeping self as others do, but now sleeping me is evading
waking me.

Falling asleep while being recorded is like sleeping with a new lover, trying not to do anything embarrassing so as to not scare them away. I hope I still like myself tomorrow.

ANDREA OYARZABAL
Arbiter Columnist

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