a redaction of my last ‘office’ article

FROM THE DESK OF DWIGHT SCHRUTE WITH STRICT ADHERENCE TO CORPORATE POLICY. [COURIER NEW OR SIMILAR, PLEASE] [SUPER EDITOR'S NOTE: THE PREVIOUS BRACKET WAS NOT TO BE REMOVED. THIS IS A STYLISTIC ISSUE AND THEREFORE I WILL ADDRESS IT AS ONE.] [DESIGNER NOTE: PLEASE ACTUALLY USE TIMES. THIS IS ACTUALLY A META-CRITIQUE OF SYSTEMIC VALUES. TOO, ONE COLUMN, PLEASE] [SUPER EDITOR NOTE: PLEASE APPLY THE FIRST CRITIQUE TO ITS DIRECTLY FOLLOWING ANTECENDENT, AS WELL AS THIS ONE.]

[ALL PREVIOUS WAS THE TITLE.]

I’ll put this simply: the Schrutes rule. Dwight, Mose and the rest of them. I do not need to bring up the family’s ancestral history in order to prove this statement’s worth. Simply put – Dwight Schrute used to be a volunteer sheriff’s deputy. The family’s blood runs as thick with morals as the famed genealogy’s beets: pure and red.

Therefore, Schrute farms is the only suitable place in the Scranton area for a wedding. All other possibilities were eliminated by Angela for their pure

social ineptitude.

The previous was an argument for the marriage of Andrew Bernard and Angela Martin.

– DALE W. EISINGER

Culture Editor

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DALE W. EISINGER
Culture Editor

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