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AUDACIOUS Aunnie’s Adventures
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I first came into contact with the “Twilight” series at school. I turned the corner and every girl I encountered had a copy of one of the four books in her hand. It annoyed me because girls in class discussed the books much as if they were comparing pie recipes.
I asked a friend of mine about them and she said she had been reading the series and that the author, Stephenie Meyer, was the best since 1906. I exaggerate. She did say that Amazon was calling Meyer the newest up-and-comer and that there was going to be a movie based on the series.
I was sickened. How could a young-adult series about vampires be critically acclaimed? Books are supposed to mean something-substance is key-that’s what I have always thought and I was furious that someone could write something kitschy while other talented authors were struggling just to be published.
In order to bag on the books, I needed to read at least one seeing as how it’s not fair to judge something based on millions of squealing women. I bought the first book in the series and read it in less than two days. Then I read the second book, and started the third book (I stopped because I got sick of them-same idea, different plot).
The books appealed to my young, girlish self who wished that some beautiful, pale vampire man would whisk me away and treat me as if I could do no wrong. And that’s the key.
Women love these books simply because it plays to the hope in them for a relationship. It plays to women that constantly complain about their boyfriends, lives, situations and makes them wish for perfection with a smidge of danger. I know however, that if these women had the life of Bella Swan they would still complain. Not all fans fit into this category and I did determine that I didn’t hate the book just because of its popularity, but because it appealed to women in masses that want to relive their 17-year-old selves because it just wasn’t good enough the first time. The books are entertaining to a point – I don’t deny that. Deserving of critical acclaim? Not so much, but millions of screaming women love them and the problem is, I don’t want to trust millions of hormonal, over-emotional women. Generally, I don’t relate well to the masses either.
I never expected to want to defend them, though. In an interview by Gregory Ellwood for MSN’s Hollywood Hitlist, Kristen Stewart, the actress who plays Swan in the movie adaptation, said regarding fans following her around during the filming of the movie: “You guys are celebrating something that has not come true yet. So, you are really retarded and have nothing to do with this creative process and I really don’t want to hear you celebrate in front of me. Get out of here! It’s my responsibility!”
Here is a news flash for Kristen Stewart-Kristen who? Oh, that’s right. No one knows who you are. That award winning (not) performance in “Panic Room” as Jodie Foster’s character’s daughter didn’t put you on the Hollywood map. Neither did your very tiny supporting role in “Into the Wild” or the movie “Zathura” that I have never seen or heard about until today.
We (including fanatical annoying women everywhere and myself) are the ones who made the book make the New York Times Bestseller list, in turn prompting a movie adaptation. No fans, means no movie, means no creative process, means no “responsibility.”
You are a snotty, no-good, whiny, ungrateful actress, who got the part because of your nubile, unwrinkled skin. I can criticize the fans because as much as I hate to admit it, I am on their level and I can see their point of view. You, Kristen Stewart, can’t criticize. You had nothing to do with the success of the books. Don’t forget to thank us for your big house and fake boobs when you’re old and fall out of the limelight. A time when once again people will ask themselves: “Kristen who?” Your stardom will be brief, but “retards” will last forever.
ANDREA OYARZABAL
Arbiter Columnist
