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Truth or Dare: Finding a man to make me tingle
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Truth: I’m in lust. Or I was. The emotion I felt seems cheapened by using the word “lust.” However, I can’t go as far to say I was in love … so that will have to do.
I’d forgotten how wonderful it feels. When our eyes met my body burned. When his hand touched mine a tidal wave of unadulterated pleasure swept through me, causing my body tingle in delight. My mind came alive when I spoke to him. He’s informed about issues I find paramount and is passionate and convincing when he speaks. His goofy smirk reveals itself only when something you say surprises him, illuminating his curiosity or amusement.
But what I like most about the man is how much effort it took to learn what makes him tick. He wasn’t your average, everyday predictable dude … he was unique. The person he is was not what I expected. He surprised me.
While exploring who he is, I flirted with the idea of devoting myself completely to him, of becoming “his girl.” For me, that’s pretty out there. Ultimately, we both decided this particular relationship wasn’t in our best interests. Thankfully, the conversation that ended things leaves me with no melodrama to report. What started with a discussion between friends about expectations and boundaries for our time together as lovers ended with a similar conversation about how for reasons X, Y and Z it was better for us to say ‘so long, thanks for the laughs.’
Now my brain’s shifted from having this intense experience to exploring what it means. In truth, I have no idea what it was or how to articulate what it felt like. I recently quit smoking and can confirm letting go of what this man gave me is equally as challenging. The workaholic, overachiever in me thinks I should push this experience out of my mind and return to the business of the day. To the normalcy and routine I exercised before the gentleman crossed my path. But the addiction lingers. He awakened a woman I was before the seriousness of my life killed her. I want more of her. I want more of this feeling.
The problem is, I hate dating; but girlfriends tell me that’s because I’ve been doing it all wrong. I buy my own dinner and have been known to buy a gentleman a drink. I was told I need to learn how to make dating work for me. A friend explained if I did I’d be eating lots of expensive meals for free, and have lavish gifts bestowed upon me. But I’m not interested in any of that. The question remains: what am I interested in?
The experience with this gentleman taught me that not all romantic relationships end in heartache and tears, as I previously thought. I still don’t want the pressure of finding Mr. Happily Every After, meaning I don’t want to get married, buy a house and start popping out babies (again).
Dare: To find someone to spend my down time with. I desire a mind (and body) to dive into as much as the Europeans desired to find the New World. I want to tingle at the thought of someone. I want to giggle at how silly I am around him. I want to fall in love without the pressure of needing it to be forever and always.
SHANNON MORGAN Editor-in-Chief
