Notes from the doghouse

Kermit: Hey, Sam, you look chipper today. How’s your shoulder?

Sam: Oh, Kerm, it feels wonderful. You remember last week I pulled it out of place by just opening a window; well I thought I’d get a little sympathy from my Korean wife .

Kermit: You will never learn, will you?

Sam: No, every time I complain about an ache or pain, she gives me work to do.

This time she wanted the studded snow tires taken off her van and the summer tires put back on.

Kermit: You should have called me.

Sam: I did, remember? However, you said you had a headache.

Kermit: Oh, yeah, I remember. I haven’t gotten much sleep lately.

Sam: Anyway, I was in excruciating pain; then when I went to use the torque wrench to tighten all the lug nuts the same – it popped my shoulder back into place. Let me tell you, that sure felt good.

Kermit: Maybe there’s a method to her madness. You know, like in the movie “Karate Kid” – wax on, wax off.

Sam: Sometimes marriage can be a pain; and I thought it was supposed to be based on sympathy.

Kermit: Who told you that? Which would you rather do: have sympathy for someone or help them?

Sam: (thinking)

Kermit: Well?

Sam: I know what I would do, I’d show sympathy and then help them.

Kermit: Tragically, if you suggested to someone that changing a tire would un-dislocate their shoulder, they simply wouldn’t believe you. But there is a positive note to all this.

Sam: What is that?

Kermit: You remember how you used to call me up to help you with little things around the house?

Well, now I know you were just trying to get out of things that are really good for you. Now I’ve wisened up to your tricks.

Sam: I thought I could count on you.

Kermit: You can count on me … you can count on me to side with your wife.

Sam: You are a traitor, and I was just about to ask you to help me pull up my tomato plants; their roots are very deep.

Kermit: Well, I guess I can help you, emphasis on help.

Sam: And we can fix your van at the same time.

I can’t believe you have been driving around so long and not gotten a ticket for not having an outside driver’s mirror.

Kermit: Thanks, now I’ll probably get one, since you had to go and mention it. So, what day shall we do this?

Sam: Good question . the next two Saturdays are out: we have a class. This Friday they are drawing blood for a diabetes test and I will be weak then. Can you come over then?

Kermit: Oh, so I can do it for you?

Sam: Well, you know how Darryl and I are competing with tomato plants each year. He has probably already started this year, and I don’t want him to beat me this time.

Kermit: I have a solution: Leave the old plants there and hang round, red Christmas ornaments from them. Then take a picture and he will never know the difference.

Sam: Unless he reads this.

KERMIT HALE AND SAM ROBISON
Culture Writers

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