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Notes from the Doghouse
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Notes from the Doghouse
by Kermit Hale and Sam Robison
Culture Writers
Sam: Boy, Kerm, am I in the doghouse big time.
Kermit: What did you do now?
Sam: Yesterday, after I phoned you, I went to call you back for something and must have pressed the wrong button on my cell phone; because when I heard it stop ringing, I said, “Dog,” wanting to tell you something, and then I heard my wife’s voice asking me why I called her a dog.
Kermit: So, do you want roses or carnations at your funeral?
Sam: Carnations, I suppose. I tried to tell her I thought it was you, but I am not so sure she believed me.
Kermit: I suppose it’s too much to ask you what you had called me back for?
Sam: I don’t know, now. When I got home there was a cold silence in the house.
Kermit: That’s not good, Sam. Have you tried talking with her, you know, joking like you always do?
Sam: Yes, but it didn’t help. I think she knows what happened, but she hasn’t gotten over it yet. This morning she left for work early and I found cold toast, and burnt bacon for breakfast.
Kermit: Well, we have to fix things up a bit, it seems. Do you have any ideas?
Sam: That’s what I was hoping you’d come up with. I’m desperate. You were in Korea in the Army. What do they do over there to patch up misunderstandings?
Kermit: Well, let’s see, how much money do you have?
Sam: I was afraid you’d say something like that.
Kermit: Actually, I was just kidding, but then I remembered they love to give and receive gifts. You know, like when they go to visit someone, they bring food or something they’ve made. So, maybe you could make her a gift.
Sam: I don’t know what it could be. Couldn’t I buy her a gift instead
Kermit: What would undo calling her a dog? It’s a pretty big order, if you ask me.
Sam: Well think, please, because I’m not only desperate, I’m scared, too; you know how she has done that Korean Jujitsu/karate stuff all her life, right?
Kermit: You mean Ty-kwan-do?
Sam: That’s what I said.
Kermit: Why? It was a simple mistake that could have happened to anyone. Didn’t something similar to that happen to her at work once?
Sam: Now that you mention it, I remember once she said she went to phone the pharmacy but dialed the cafeteria instead, and asked if her refill was ready.
Kermit: Well then, she understands how mistakes can happen, but she’s probably forgotten all about that. Say, here’s a thought: why don’t I call your house tonight, when you are both there and watching TV or something, and if you answer it we can talk for a second. Then I will hang up and call you right back, only don’t answer it. When she answers it, I will say something like, “Is this the city pound? I have a two-legged rat in my house and wanted to know if you could take him.”
Sam: Thanks a lot, Dog. I’m sure she’d say, “No, but they can have mine, too.” Hey, maybe she’d recognize your voice and start laughing. It might work.
Kermit: And if it doesn’t, I can always visit you at the pound.
by Kermit Hale and Sam Robison