Notes from the Doghouse

Sam: Since this is the time of year that some students are preparing to graduate, why don’t we relate some strange or weird things that have happened to us in life? I’m sure they would like to have a glimpse of what is in store for them out in the real world.

Kermit: That’s a good idea. We both are non-traditional students and I’m sure we can be of some use around here.

Sam: I remember when I worked for a food processing company. It was my first day on the job and I was in charge of making sure the correct labeling went on the cans at the beginning of the automated assembly line. One day the boss came out of his office, walked along looking at the production and looked right at me and said, “Mighty fine, mighty fine.” And then he went back into his office. I felt really proud that I was doing such a good job my first day. But then, after about five minutes, he burst out of his office and ran up to me, yelling that the line should be shut down. He said in a loud voice to me, “I thought I told you to change the labels to Mighty Fine!” That was a hard lesson I learned that day. Why didn’t someone warn me?

Kermit: One piece of advice I can give them is to keep up on changes that occur. I have gone through a lot of vehicles in my life and it used to be that when you wanted a title for a car you bought from a private individual. All you needed was a receipt for one dollar to avoid the sales tax.

Remember when you gave me your 1961 Dodge Power Wagon? You gave me a bill of sale for one dollar but they said they didn’t do it that way anymore and after 45 minutes determined it was worth about $5,700. Sales tax would have been more than I could afford at the time so they told me you could write a note saying it was a gift.

So I went back to your place and you wrote it out and then I asked you if I could have my dollar back. I’ll never forget the look on your face. You actually thought I was serious.

Sam: I still remember the serious look in your eyes. All I could see in them was dollar signs.

Kermit: For one dollar? Come on, you know me better than that. See what’s in store outside college? People will misunderstand each other and it’s how we handle the misunderstandings that determine our successes and our failures.

Sam: I’ve never known a more low-down snake in the grass. Talk about cheap.

Kermit: Oh, get over it. I was only kidding.

Sam: I feel like giving you one penny a year for a hundred years to pay the dollar back.

Kermit: What do we tell other people so they can know if we are kidding or not? Do you remember?

Sam: We say our lips are moving.

Kermit: Well, were my lips moving when I asked for the dollar back?

Sam: Yeah, I think they were. But .

Kermit: Then you should know I was only teasing.

Sam: Maybe one wooden nickel a year for twenty years. How does that sound, Mr. I-want-my-dollar-back?

Kermit: (sighs deeply) Say good night, Sam.

Sam: Good night, Sam.

KERMIT HALE AND SAM ROBINSON
Culture Writers

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