Food Addict

This Wednesday, Oct. 31, marks one of the most important days of the year: Halloween. It’s a day of partying, girls making excuses to dress scandalously and consuming vast amounts of junk food.

I take this very seriously. I’m not usually a candy-girl. I’m too afraid it will alter my, uh, lovely little pair-shaped figure. But as Halloween is my favorite holiday, I always let down my guard a little too easily.

I could go on and on about the sweets I love to eat on Halloween: caramel-drizzled apples, pumpkin and witch-shaped cookies and lots of candy corn, just to name a few. But what about the nasty stuff? For instance, mom’s old, loatheable recipes, candy wrapped in torn paper or party food that looks like someone barfed it up.

I’ve lived through many Halloweens and I know that some “treats” love to play tricks. They aren’t treats at all, but sorry excuses for food that hardly reaches the level of festiveness Halloween calls for. So, I thought I’d list a few “undesirables” that true Halloween fanatics could go without:

Unwrapped candy: This one’s classic. It’s practically common sense. Our parents told us as children not to eat mysterious, unwrapped candy found after a night of trick-or-treating. Even though we’re smart, tough college students now, use a little of that common sense whether you trick-or-treat (admit it, some of you still do it) or not. No one wants food poisoning on a fun holiday.

Roasted pumpkin seeds: Somehow, eating the homeless seeds after pumpkin carvings became a holiday tradition. However, I remember hearing a fictional story in elementary school about a kid who ate some sort of seed and ended up with a watermelon or pumpkin (I don’t remember which) growing inside his stomach. While I realize the word “fictional” plays a key role here, the uneasiness of hearing that poor child’s fate stuck with me. As a result, I have to turn those poor, destitute pumpkin seeds away.

Jawbreakers: Know your limit on this one. For instance, I have an unusually small mouth and experienced an unfortunate incident one year with a jawbreaker a little larger than a golf ball.

“Body Organ” food: Fun for haunted houses, sometimes. It’s a different story if the maker actually tries to make Jell-O look like brains or pasta resemble intestines. But I’ve been to many lame Halloween parties where I closed my eyes, plunged my hand into a sticky, stringy mess and then found plain old spaghetti noodles curled sloppily around my fingers and wrist.

Bobbing for apples: If I understand the concept of “bobbing for apples” correctly, it means the “bobber” kneels over a tub filled with water and apples pathetically trying to stay afloat. The bobber then plunges face-first into the water to grab an apple with his/her teeth. Usually, a party of five to 10 people participates in this game. I wonder how many pesky germs escape each bobber’s mouth and hide in the water. I worked as a pool lifeguard for two years and know how dirty water can get with too much human contact. This activity holds unsanitary risks and should be avoided.

So on Halloween night, carve jack o’lanterns, head to that hip party and if you’re girl, pull on that sleazy nurse or “Paris in prison” costume. But when it comes to food, consume wisely.

Don’t be tricked by the treats.

FRANCY MARCOTTE
Culture Editor

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