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Students learn about consent, healthy dating
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Speaker and author Mike Domitrz instructed Boise State students on healthy dating, consent and sexual assault awareness during May I Kiss You? on Sept. 12 in the Student Union Grand Jordan Ballroom.
Domitrz was introduced as one of the most popular speakers on college campuses today.
During the program, Domitrz provided an extremely interactive learning environment for the students in the audience. He pulled a female student onto the stage and through role-play showed how women are good at sending body language, commonly by putting a hand on the knee of the person they want to make their move.
According to Domitrz, when a girl tries to send that kind of message, boys tend to think, “she wants me,” rather than “wow, she really likes me.” Domitrz said these kinds of situations could lead to miscommunication that can even happen in a marriage, which is why asking first is important.
“In a game, one side is out to win which leaves the other side losing …This win-at-all-cost approach is not a healthy view of relationships or intimacy,” Domitrz said.
According to Domitrz, women typically don’t ask before they kiss another person because they don’t want to face rejection.
“The game says it’s the man’s job,” Domitrz said.
Females in the audience agreed that women don’t ask because they don’t want to be given a degrading label for being open to ask for physical contact, and they don’t want to ruin the moment.
“If that [asking] ruined the moment, then you didn’t have a real moment in the first place,” Domitrz said.
Domitrz said men typically don’t ask to kiss because they don’t like rejection; they don’t, however, fear it.
“When you fear something, you don’t try it over and over and over again,” Domitrz said.
What men do fear, Domitrz said, is looking like an idiot by asking because it is not commonly seen on television or the movies.
Domitrz said asking to kiss first gives respect by giving a chance to choose. According to Domitrz, giving the other person a choice offers them an opportunity to stop something they are not comfortable with before it happens.
“The only way you absolutely give a person a choice is by asking,” Domitrz said.
According to Domitrz, the “I make a move until you stop me” game is common for one side of a date to try. “It is very unhealthy to force your partner to stop you,” Domitrz said.
“Instead, you should be insuring your partner wants the intimacy before you try anything,” Domitrz said. “Give your partner a choice.”
During the presentation, Domitrz recalled when a member of his family was not given the opportunity to choose and thus became a victim of rape.
“I remember like it was yesterday,” Domitrz said. “I wanted to kill him.”
Domitrz said he was honored to be in the presence of the survivors in the audience for their courage, determination and the will that inspires speakers like himself to travel the country and lecture on their behalf.
“Every survivor of sexual assault is an amazing, incredible person,” Domitrz said. Domitrz described sexual assault as any sexual contact without consent, including kissing.
At the beginning of the program, students said that neither they nor anyone else actually ask before they kiss another person.
However, by the end of the presentation they agreed that they thought it was “twisted” that someone would always ask for at least five dollars, but would not ask to do something special with another person’s body.
“In less than 40 minutes you’ve [the audience] made a complete change,” Domitrz said.
According to Domitrz, it would take time for friends and family of the audience to understand and grasp the concepts that were discussed that evening.
Domitrz said his program lasted nearly 40 minutes, which was ample time for the audience to openly learn about consent.
“Don’t expect your friends to get it in 15 seconds,” Domitrz said.
Many students appreciated Domitrz’s blend of education and humor in his lecture style.
“I like the fact that he used comedy in his presentation and I actually learned something at the same time,” BSU freshman Jennifer Coll said.
According to student and audience member Samantha Gamballa, Domitrz program didn’t feel like a lecture.
“I like that he brought up topics that we don’t really talk about,” Gamballa said.
According to Domitrz, he often receives a lot of e-mails sharing how students did “Ask First” after the show and it completely overhauled their approach to dating and intimacy.
“Most students are pleasantly surprised and thrilled at how easy asking first is to do in real-life,” Domitrz said.
For more information on dating, communication, respect and sexual assault awareness, visit Domitrz’ Webpage at canikissyou.com.
DARCIE NUTT
Asst. News Editor