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Life through the eyes of the fashion guru
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With every year (perhaps even every day) that goes by I feel like I’m getting smarter.
As time passes and my interactions with different
people increase in frequency, it seems like I’m gaining knowledge of typical human behavior.
I think the same can be said for just about everyone; as you grow up and meet varying varieties of people, you gain a better understanding of all people.
Still, one thing perplexes me about our human race − ill-fitting clothing. I’m not talking about a shirt that’s maybe a size too small or pants that are about 1/8 inch too short, I’m talking about superbly, disgustingly, never-should-be-viewed-by-human-eyes, borderline grotesque attire.
Don’t deny it – you’ve seen that person in the grocery store with the too-low rise pants, bent down trying to decide on a can of soup and consequently sporting a look typical of plumbers.
Atrocities such as this are everywhere, and they usually result in an “eeeww,” “ick,” or “seriously? You can’t see that?” response.
One of my many clothing pet peeves is the “muffin top.”
No, not the delicious portion of my favorite breakfast food – the result of too-tight pants and “love handles.”
Just a rule of thumb (or, rather, rule of pant): If the waistband pushes up what you would usually want to hide and lops it over the edge of your pants, the waistband isn’t the right size.
Suck it up and buy the next size up.
Another faux-pas that drives me crazy are short-shorts. No,
ladies, I’m not referring to your Daisy Dukes (although be aware that strict rules do apply with itty-bitty shorts).
Guys, I’m talking to you.
When driving down the road, I have many things to be watching out for – other cars, stoplights, pedestrians – and the last thing that I want to be seeing are guys jogging down the road in running gear that covers less than my mini skirts.
Showing a lot of leg doesn’t work on women – sorry, but it’s just not attractive. Buy some longer shorts – you’ll have a better chance of keeping everything hidden and avoiding any possible indecent exposure tickets.
But out of all of the horrific wrongs that I’ve witnessed, one holds the No. 1 spot.
One Summer, while on a cruise with my Mom and sister, we
stopped at a small private island, mainly composed of beach and a few snack shacks.
Needless to say, the typical attire on the island was beachwear/swimsuits. After settling at a picnic table with plates of barbeque and attempting to enjoy our lunch, we spotted something wholly unappetizing.
Coming out of the ocean was an excessively tan, equally as excessively wrinkled man – in the smallest Speedo I’ve ever seen.
I’m not even sure if it should have qualified as a swimming suit, or even as underwear – it was almost non-existent on his 90-year-old frame. The image remains emblazoned in all three of our memories to this day.
I’m still attempting to understand how a person leaves the house while committing these atrocities.
Sure, everyone wanders out of the house without being “all done up” (I’m writing this in sweats consisting of colors that definitely don’t coordinate) but is there an anti-mirror cult in existence that I’m not aware of?
I don’t care what you look like, some things just aren’t supposed to be flaunted. For your sake and the happiness of others, take the time to buy complimenting attire and look in a mirror.
Sheree Whiteley
