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Peel back the layers of truth
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It’s hard to get reliable news anymore. Mainstream news outlets are sliding headlong toward blandness, the right-wing outlets foam at the mouth more than Old Yeller and the left-wingers are racing like hell to catch up, having finally realized that self-evident arguments aren’t. So, it behooves us, as concerned citizens, to find reliable alternatives to the networks and behemoth media Cthulhus that plague our world.
Where can such a reader go? Well, I like to start with “The Onion,” because I always know where I stand with them. A recent headline on their site I found was this: “God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again.” See how brilliantly this works? The headline gets across the meaning and subject of the story without actually mentioning any of the cliches and overcooked buzzwords, throws a bone to the right wing nuts by mentioning God and tickles the left wing nuts pink by working in a passing mention of terrorists, which everybody knows are all Dubya’s fault.
As I peruse the ongoing coverage and the subheads, I see a pattern emerging: “Louisiana National Guard Offers Help By Phone From Iraq,” “Government Relief Workers Mosey In To Help,” “Refugees Moved From Sewage-Contaminated Superdome To Hellhole Of Houston,” “White Foragers Report Threat Of Black Looters.” In these few briefs, which printed out would run maybe two pages, I get a sense of the major issues, how people are responding, what issues are coming to the forefront of relief efforts and what snack foods are of the greatest use when living in flood conditions (beef jerky and Budweiser). You can get this kind of stuff on Fox News or CNN, but it takes longer and there’s a lot of smarmy corporate crap to weed through as well.
Some people point to “The Daily Show” as the TV equivalent of this, and I would agree to a point. However, “The Daily Show” tends to revolve only around politics, and most readers, myself included, want to know about other aspects of life. For instance, for those of you interested in the evolution vs. “intelligent design” debate, the Science and Technology section’s main story right now is “Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New ‘Intelligent Falling’ Theory,” the headline of which should tell you everything you need to know. If it doesn’t, read the story, it’s edifying.
Now, there are a few quibbling criticisms pointed toward “The Onion” such as the charge that their stories are fictional or exaggerated for comic relief. Well, first of all, in the era of Stephen Glass and Jayson Blair, I say, “Let he who is without sin shut the hell up.” Secondly, the Onion itself refutes such claims by pointing out that it is “America’s Finest News Source.” Unlike the specious claims made by the “New York Times” (“All The News That’s Fit To Print”? What kind of crap is that?), “The Onion” can proudly stand by their statement, knowing that no claims to truthfulness, accuracy or even relevance can be implied by it.
Finally, “The Onion” can make one claim that no other news source can match: By not being forced to rely on the facts, they can get at the truth behind the stories. Read the stories, laugh at them all you want; that’s what they’re published to do, after all. Think about what they’re saying, though. Read between the lines; “The Onion” makes it easy enough to do.
Brandon Nolta / Opinion Writer
