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Chihuahua Named Co-Mascot
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Boise State athletes will have a new mascot cheering them on
this year: a Chihuahua. In a press release on the
university’s news site, athletic lackey George Finch
announced Wednesday that a Chihuahua would be BSU’s new
co-mascot.
The announcement comes amid allegations that the renaming of the
Pavilion to Taco Bell Arena has alienated the Latino community on
campus.
“What better way to show those people we care about them then
by having their dog as a mascot,” said an anonymous source
from the athletic department. “Plus, the little guy works for
almost nothing!”
The Bronco Chihuahua signed a three-year contract with BSU on
Monday Sept. 20. Because the Chihuahua is not a U.S. citizen, BSU
will be paying it an hourly wage of 42 cents.
In the press release, Finch said the relationship is mutually
beneficial. “This is a great way to show the country we
embrace Latino culture, from tacos to small, annoying dogs,
we’re loving it. No wait, wrong one. Yo quiero Latino
culture-stadas.” Finch added that the dog gets to live in the
“greatest goddamned country ever.”
The reaction on campus has been mild and mixed. President of OELA,
Theodor Spasky, said the gesture is just one of many misguided
attempts by the administration to reach out to the Latino
community. “You name an arena Taco Bell and have a Chihuahua
as a mascot, and now all of a sudden you support the Latino
community?” said Spasky. “How about paying that little
dog minimum wage?”
When asked if BSU had any intentions of paying the new mascot
minimum wage, an anonymous source in the athletic department seemed
skeptical. “So long as he’s illegal, we don’t
have to pay him squat.”
Taylor C Newbold
Satirist