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English majors read and write, a lot
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I’m an English major. To be honest, there was never any doubt that when I finally decided to go to college that I would major in English. My parents both taught English, and I have been reading since I was 4, so what else would I possibly want to do once I decided to give this whole college thing a try? It’s not like I could major in “How to piss people off,” although up to now, I have done a pretty good job of it by writing this humor column.
There are a lot of misconceptions about English majors. Many of you reading this who are majoring in things like math or science probably think that all English majors do is spend their time reading hundreds of pages every week of mind-numbing literature, and then writing thousands of words about what that particular author was trying to say and why they were trying to say it.
Well I am here to tell you the truth about what English majors really do.
We spend countless hours reading hundreds of pages of literature, and then write thousands of words describing, you guessed it, what the author was trying to say and why we think they were trying to say it.
But really it’s not all that bad. I’m just glad I’m not majoring in some computer field. I took a computer class once. Our professor spent every class period mumbling to herself and playing with her mouse. I think she might have been a former hippie who took a little too much of “the brown acid” in the sixties while she was on her way to San Francisco with a flower in her hair.
Besides, a lot of the stuff we English majors read is quite interesting. For instance this semester I have the privilege of taking a class in Medieval Arthurian Literature. You know, the legend of King Arthur? I must admit it is one of the most enjoyable classes I have ever taken. Where else would I be getting college credits to read stories in which a Knight gets in an argument with his wife and becomes so mad that he lops off her head and then has to become a hermit and seek forgiveness from the Pope in order to keep his honor? These stories have more blood in them than all of the Quentin Tarantino movies combined!
Another story involved a magic ring given to a knight by a damsel. Once the Knight put this ring on, the damsel who had given it to him appeared much more beautiful to him than she really was. This only happened when the knight was wearing the ring. I immediately deduced that this ring has the same power as beer.
However, prior to this class my knowledge of the Arthur legend was rather limited. Most of the facts that I did know about King Arthur, I had picked up from watching Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail.
On the first day of class I was asked by the professor what I knew of certain people in the Arthur legend, and, to put it lightly, I knew as much about King Arthur as men know about women.
Of King Arthur himself: I knew he had a round table and was “King of the Britons” (see previous reference to Holy Grail movie).
Of Gwenevyre: I was pretty sure she was King Arthur’s wife, mistress or pet parakeet. (Please forgive me Linda Marie).
Of Sir Gawain: I knew he had a run in with some bad guy called the Green Knight. I remembered seeing a movie about it and thinking that the actor they got to play Gawain looked more like an anorexic cheerleader than a strong knight.
And lastly, of Morgan La Fay. Until my beautiful and talented professor informed me that she was Arthur’s sister, I thought that Morgan La Fay was the name of the new dessert that my wife attempted to concoct the other night. It had chocolate, cherries and shredded coconut (which had been taken from a coconut that was carried to this continent by a European Swallow).
Long live Monty Python.
Humor by Pete Espil, The Arbiter
