Lessons in Love

I’ve got some serious love problems. By all accounts, I should be out dating. I’ve got the time, the money and the innate, deep-down desire. I’m told that I am attractive and would make a “good catch,” but I just can’t seem to be caught, nor do I even want to do some catching myself. The thing is, I’m not really interested in dating: I’m interested in having a relationship, a solid friendship, and a loving reciprocation. I prefer a quiet talk to a loud party, and thus don’t enjoy big social events. I just keep hoping that I will eventually bump into someone special. So what am I supposed to do?

-Lonely in Boise

Oh lonely one, it doesn’t matter if you’re a good catch if you stay home and eat bon-bons in front of your favorite soap. I understand your aversion for the party/bar scene; it’s hard to find your soulmate over the din of drunks and haze of smoke. But don’t expect that perfect someone to just walk in the door unbidden.

You have to actively search. I’m not talking about asking everything with two legs and a smile out on a date. I’m talking about extending yourself, making yourself available so that fate can step in and hand you a soulmate. She ain’t going to do it while you’re sitting in your room wishing. But she would if you are out in the world actively enjoying yourself, learning about life and meeting new people.

Quiet talks with the one you adore are good, but there are certain steps one must take in order to reach that point. So quit being hung up on what a good catch you are and start looking. Start talking to people – anywhere, everywhere: The grocery store, the coffee shop, people in your classes, talk to everyone and open yourself up to meeting new people.

The more you extend yourself, the more people will respond to you. And soon you may find yourself awash not only with potential mates, but also with interesting, fun people.

I want an Orgasm! I’m 23 and I have never even had one. I am almost tempted to start trying to get one by myself. All the guys I have had sex with haven’t even tried to give me one. They think intercourse and oral sex is all there is to sex. Don’t even get me started with their attempt at breast and nipple manipulations. You think they were milking a cow or something. I want foreplay and I want an Orgasm, damn it! Got any suggestions?

-Hoping for the Big “O” in Boise

Honey, it’s time to light some candles, put on some sexy music, pour a hot bath, and spend some quality time with yourself. Until you are comfortable with your own body and know what you need in the sack, no guy will ever be able to do it for you. Figure out what you need to find the Big “O”. What gets you in the mood? What gets you excited? And then – how do you satisfy that? Hey – at least it’s sex with someone you love.

Once you’ve gained some crucial self-knowledge, find a guy who is more concerned about your needs than his own. Tell him – show him how to make you happy. Trust me; he’ll be happy to oblige.

Christina Latta, The Arbiter

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